EXT. VILLAGE STREET - DAY

EDWARD is walking back from the railway station. He meets MRS. KEARNESS, who is accompanied by ANOTHER TWO YOUNG WOMEN, one about 20 and one about 18 years of age. Both are tall, willowy and beautiful.

MRS. KEARNESS

My two youngest daughters, Gladys and Doris.

EDWARD shakes hands with them and there is a conversation M.0.S. between them.

 

EXT. EDWARD'S GARDEN - DAY

EDWARD is bareheaded, working near the gate when AMELIA-ANN appears. His hat is on the ground nearby. AMELIA-ANN is wearing a black armband.

AMELIA-ANN

Hello, mister.

EDWARD

Hello, you haven't been here for a long time.

AMELIA-ANN

I've 'ad me 'ands full. A buryin' . Yes, we 'ad 'im put away this morning - the baby you know.

EDWARD

Oh.

AMELIA-ANN

I'd 'ave begged some of your white flowers but I've been that rushed - you wouldn't believe. Still we 'ad 'im insured. Takin' one fing wiv another, we've made on it, and that always somefink. And it couldn't be 'elped. Mother and me, we sat up wiv 'im night after night, and all the time we knowed it was no good - 'e 'ad the look mister, you know?

EDWARD

How are your brothers? What do they do?

AMEL IA-ANN

Loaf and drink. One of 'em is a carter ¾ 'e carts beer, hinside and bout.

EDWARD

Oh, dear.

AMELIA-ANN

I've 'ad me 'ands full, I can tell you. Father was for 'avin' a day in the pub, 'im bein' upset about the baby dyin', but Miss Soapy, she 'ad 'im hout thru' John Smith, 'oos a big strong man and would do anyfink for Miss Soapy, 'er 'avin' 'elped 'is wife through twins. And Miss Soapy took what was left of the hinsurance money, 'im shellin' hout like a lamb. She 'as the nerve! It was a proper sell hout for father, 'im being made to look so soft

EDWARD

Miss Soapy! She must be a wonder!

AMELIA-ANN

Oh, she is. 'Aven't you seen 'er yet?

EDWARD

No, unfortunately.

AMELIA-ANN

But you'd like to know 'er, wouldn't yer?

EDWARD

Oh, of course.

AMELIA-ANN

Well, now, if that ain't lucky, 'cos 'ere is Miss Soapy. Miss Soapy! Miss Soapy! Please come 'ere and he interdooced to my gent, 'oos been dying to know yer for hages. We're always talkin' of you, 'im and me!

EDWARD dives for his hat, and puts it on, ready to take it off in greeting. He turns and puts his hand out blindly. SOPHONISBA takes and holds it. She is young, short, with frizzy red hair and freckles, altogether rather homely in appearance and very shabbily dressed.

SOPHONISBA

Hello, mister.

EDWARD looks at her and gasps. He clings to her hand as a drowning man might cling to a straw.

EDWARD

Hello, Miss Soapy!

SOPHONISBA

My real name is Sophonisba, you know.

EDWARD continues to stare and gasp.

SOPHONISBA

Sophonisba Kearness.

EDWARD

Oh, are you the third Miss Kearness? Surely not!

SOPHONISBA

I dare say it seems odd, but it's a fact, unfortunately.

EDWARD

Unfortunately! Do you know, I thought you were an elderly spinster?

SOPHONISBA

Well, I shall be some day, I suppose. People never believe I'm one of the Kearnesses, at first.

EDWARD

I don't wonder. I didn't myself. You are so - so different.

SOPHONISBA

One gets a bit fed up with that. I never asked to be different. It was just my luck. Some people get front seats when looks are given out, and others are behind the door.

EDWARD

Must I call you the third Miss Kearness? It's muddling when there are five!

SOPHONISBA

It's worse than muddling, it's poisonous. What right have parents to have five daughters, let alone one like me? Two girls are enough in any family, and it's still one too many.

EDWARD

But surely - I have always thought it must be delightful. How Mrs. Kearness is to be envied with all that youth and beauty in the house.

SOPHONISBA

I suppose you're getting at me?

EDWARD

Oh, Miss Sophonisba!

SOPHONISBA

People don't "miss" me, except the villagers. I'm just Soapy. Call me plain Sophonisba, it suits me well enough, goodness knows.

EDWARD

It does indeed! Sophonisba!

AMELIA-ANN

Ain't 'e a cure now? Wasn't I tellin' you now?

SOPHONISBA

Your friend is indeed a novelty.

AMELIA-ANN

Now, don't you go a-callin' my gent names. 'E 'as 'is feelin's same as folks what Isn't queer in the yead!

EDWARD

I'm not queer in my head, really I'm not

Sophonisba!

AMELIA-ANN

You're a 'ccentric, and a 'cluse!

EDWARD

People have thrust that role upon me. I have never wanted to be either.

SOPHONISBA

I understand. People are idiots, aren't they?

AMELIA-ANN

Well, it's time I 'opped it. There's lots to do at 'ome. Give us one o' them roses, Will you, mister?

EDWARD cuts several roses and gives them to AMELIA-ANN, who takes them and gives some to SOPHONISBA.

AMELIA-ANN

Now, Miss Soapy, don't you go and say I've never give you nuffink. You can go 'alves in my gent if you like.

AMELIA-ANN goes off. SOPHONISBA puts the roses into her belt.

SOPHONISBA

Thanks. Moss End has the loveliest roses in Hill Land.

EDWARD

I hope you will regard them as yours.

SOPHONISBA

Well, perhaps now and then I'll share with Amelia. Rose growing is rather too much of a luxury for us, and then of course the others need them. They do the dressing up and trotting around. I'm not much of a hand socially, as I daresay you can see for yourself.

EDWARD

You are the first girl, except Dorothea, I've talked to without making a fool of myself. Women are so lovely and delightful, and the more beautiful they are the more frightened I am.

SOPHONISBA

Well then, of course you needn't be the least frightened of me.

EDWARD

Oh no! Or at least, only a very little.

SOPHONISBA

I'll try to be grateful for that little. Who is Dorothea?

***




BACHELORS' BUTTONS
by Elaine Robertson
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